Handcrafts, all alone handcrafted.
Rough hands, you stand forward.
Feel thine as you feel mine,
All I need are your words.
Cause like birds, they remain up in the air
And as we gaze into the sky and wait,
I’ll never change.
Contraposto, I remain.
So my brother just moved near san Francisco, now he just found out his company has relocated to Texas so by next month hell be living in Dallas. I’m so sad but I’m happy me and him had a heart to heart before he left to SF. I’m gonna miss him soo much, me and my sister are close but me and him have a different kind of connection…. But I guess that gives me a reason to go out and visit :/ my sister is also due to have her baby ne,t month in October and by next year shell be living in Long Beach. I thought her being pregnant would bring us closer but I feel like its done the opposite since she’s always with her boyfriend. My brothers also soon to be engaged. And I’m over here single, still getting my life together and figuring out what’s next. Being the youngest I always feel like I have to keep up with my older siblings but for once I don’t really feel the pressure anymore. I just gotta take things day by day and my time will come. I’m just gna be the only one here while doing it, unlike them that got to be with everyone while they got their lives together, and my sister always had a boyfriend pr sorority or some type of committed support system…. I kind of just feel like the black sheep, the odd one out. It’s fine though, I just gotta keep going. There’s just so many changes happening which slowly help me realize how comfortable my life really is and how much support I really have, even from my brother.. probably the most emotionally even tho he’s the furthest away. All I know is that ill always have my family and they’ll always come first, sounds simple but this is honestly the first time I’ve genuinely felt this way. Here’s to New beginnings. Again.
I am always retreating to my thoughts and constantly planning….. Without telling anyone about them and if I do its very vague. I know people just expect me to fail, my life is crazy, my mind is crazy and probably doesn’t make sense to anyone. So I know people just expect me to fail.. and it probably doesnt help that I have so many times so far in my life. But I know wherever I am in my life right now, no matter how unpleasant or minimal it may seem….. I’m slowly getting to where I want to be. I work my ass off. Not because the money, not because of everything I’m going through, but because I want to work so hard now, and go through hell now so I don’t have to worry later, or be dependant on anyone, that’s what’s most important to me. I want to travel, do new things meet new people and never have to worry about my career cause I know that I’ve already paid my dues. I want to take care of my whole and extended family, not have to rely on a man, my kids, the government for money. I always earn what I get and I know I’m in the right direction to get the life I want. It will be so worth it.
I give up on waiting for him. I’m obviously not good enough nor will I ever be, or probably until I end up being taken. I know he’s just keeping me on the side until he gives up on looking for someone better than me, and I’m better than that. He’s been taking advantage for way too long with nothing but excuses and telling me what I want to hear and showing the complete opposite. I’m over it. DeeeewsizzzzZzzZ.
I love kanye and all, but magna carta holy grail shitted all over yeezus or whatever it’s called.